That things would be easy.

I like how sometimes,
I can just look over @ you
and you're smiling.
I like how finally,
I've found somewhere that I can call home
and actually mean it.

.001. ] She goes by: Courtney
.002. ] Gender: Female
.003. ] Age: 20
.004. ] Birthday: October 22nd
.005. ] Height: 5'5 1/2
.006. ] Hair color: Dark brown/auburn
.007. ] Eye color: Green
.008. ] Race: White, nigga 8]
.009. ] Is your hair long or short: Long
.010. ] Repping: PJs, the OC and a Smirnoff
.011. ] Zodiac sign: Libra
.012. ] How many languages do you know: 1
.013. ] Nationality: 50% Italian, 25% Irish, 25% French
.014. ] Piercings you have: Ears
.015. ] Piercings you want: Lip
.016. ] Tattoos you have: Big red & black heart with 2 little red ones on either side and the words "You're my everything", light pink dinosaur with a green heart in a comic bubble and a pink and purple butterfly with a teal heart.
.017. ] Tattoos you want: Link and Ms. PacMan
.018. ] Today's date: August 4th, 2008
.019. ] The time: 8:02 PM
.020. ] Are you still in school: No
.021. ] Did you drop out: No
.022. ] Favorite grade: Senior year
.023. ] Least favorite grade: 6th
.024. ] Favorite teacher : Mr. Sachs
.025. ] Least favorite teacher: Mrs. Schultz
.026. ] Favorite subject: English
.027. ] Least favorite subject: Math
.028. ] Do/did you buy lunch or bring it: Bring it
.029. ] Play any sports on the school's team: Fuck that
.030. ] Are/were you popular: Yes
.031. ] Most humiliating moment: Falling off of the school bus in like 11th grade

» F A V O R I T E «
.032. ] Number: 22
.033. ] Clothing brand: Anything cheap and awesome
.034. ] Shoes: Flip flops
.035. ] Saying: "Well I just guess."
.036. ] Tv show: The OC
.037. ] Sport: Hockey
.038. ] Vegetable: Carrots
.039. ] Fruit: Cherries
.040. ] Movie: Across the Universe or Harry Potter
.041. ] Magazine: Cosmo
.042. ] Candy: Reese's
.043. ] Gum: Vanilla peppermint
.044. ] Scent: My bf
.045. ] Ice cream flavor: Vanilla
.046. ] Color: Pink, white, black & grey
.047. ] Season: Autumn <3
.048. ] Holiday: Christmas
.049. ] Type of music: Anything acoustic, old love songs, classic rock
.050. ] Thing in your room: My memory box/board
.051. ] Bands: Say Anything, Saves the Day
.052. ] Books: The Perks of Being A Wallflower and anything by Chuck Palahniuk
.053. ] TV channel: A&E
.054. ] Junk food: Cooler Ranch Doritos
.055. ] Overall food: Mashed potatoes
.056. ] Shoe brand: Converse
.057. ] Fast food: Bacon double cheeseburgers
.058. ] Restaurant: LEONARDO'S or Hi-Ho
.059. ] Shape: Hearts
.060. ] Time of day: Night
.061. ] Country: New Zealand
.062. ] Buried a heart in: Uhhhh What?
.063. ] Boys name: Daniel
.064. ] Girls name: Sophie
.065. ] Mall: Rockingham
.066. ] Car: Ford Focus
.067. ] Word/curse word: Asshole
.068. ] Month: October
.069. ] Disney character: Belle
.070. ] Scary movie: Se7en

» T H I S OR T H A T «
.071. ] Rock or rap: Rock
.072. ] Rock or pop: Rock
.073. ] Rock or r&b: Rock
.074. ] Rap or pop: Pop
.075. ] Rap or r&b: Rap
.076. ] Rap or metal: Metal
.077. ] Pop or r&b: Pop
.078. ] Pop or metal: Metal
.079. ] r&b or metal: Metal
.080. ] Selena or J.lo: Selena
.081. ] Hot or cold: Cold
.082. ] Winter or summer: Winter
.083. ] Spring or fall: Autumn
.084. ]Shakira or Britney: Britney
.085. ] MTV or VH1: MTV
.086. ] Football or basketball: Foootttball
.087. ] Skiing or snowboarding: Snowboarding
.088. ] Rollarblading or skateboarding: Skateboarding
.089. ] Black or white: White
.090. ] Orange or red: Red
.091. ] Yellow or green: Green
.092. ] purple or pink: Pink
.093. ] Inside or outside: Inside
.094. ] Weed or alcohol: Alcohol
.095. ] Cell phone or pager: Cell phone
.096. ] Powerpuff Girls or Charlie's Angels: Powerpuff Girls
.097. ] Scooby doo or dino: Dino
.098. ] Tattoos or piercinqs: Either
.099. ] Coke or pepsi: Pepsi
.100. ] Flowers or candy: Flowers
.101. ] Tall or short: Tall

» H A V E / W O U L D Y O U E V E R . . «
.102. ] Pictured your crush naked?: Yes
.103. ] Actually seen your crush naked: Yes
.104. ] Been in love: Yes
.105. ] Cried when someone died: Yes
.106. ] Drank alcohol: Yes
.107. ] Lied: Yes
.108. ] Eat crap for $1,000,000: Yes
.109. ] Steal a friend's boyfriend/girlfriend: No
.110. ] Lie to the police: Yes
.111. ] Run from the police: Yes
.112. ] Lie to your parents: Well, duh
.113. ] Walk up to a stranger and kiss them: No
.114. ] Walk out of a restaurant without paying: No
.115. ] Flashed someone: Yes
.116. ] Told the person you liked how you felt: Yes
.117. ] Gone to jail or juvi: No
.118. ] Stolen anything: Yes
.119. ] Wanted to kick my ass for making this so long: I have nothing better to do
.120. ] Kicked someone's ass: Yes
.121. ] Broke a beer bottle: Yes
.122. ] Gotten into a bar, under-aged: Yes
.123. ] Ate raw food: Yes
.124. ] Gone on a road trip: Semi
.125. ] Gone on vacation without adult supervision: Yes
.126. ] Been to a concert: Yes
.127. ] Been to another country: No
.128. ] Talked back to an adult: Yes
.129. ] Got pulled over: Yes
.130. ] Got in a car accident: Yes
.131. ] Broke a law: Yes
.132. ] Given money to a homeless person? : Yes
.134. ] Tried to kill yourself: No
.135. ] Cried to get out of trouble: Yes
.136. ] Kissed a friend's brother or sister: No
.137. ] Kissed a brother or sister's friend: I'm an only child, no
.138. ] Dropped something on the floor that you were cooking and let someone eat it anyways?: Probably

» P R I V A T E «
.139. ] Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend: Yes
.140. ] Do you have a crush: Can you have a crush on your bf?
.141. ] Do you love anyone right now: Yes
.142. ] Have you ever been in love: Yes
.143. ] How many people have you kissed: 9, I think
.144. ] Who was your first kiss: Amanda Valley
.145. ] How many hearts have you broken: A few
.146. ] How many people broke your heart: One
.147. ] Best quote to sum up love: "First loves are never really over."
.148. ] So what is your bf/gf/crush like: Perfect <3
.149. ] Do you have a picture of him/her: Yes
.150. ] Please post it if you do: No
.151. ] Do you have a picture of yourself: Yes
.152. ] Please post it if you do: No
.153. ] Do you go by looks or personality: Both
.154. ] Ever kiss a friend: Yes
.155. ] Are you still friends: Yes
.156. ] So moving along . . . do you smoke: Yes
.157. ] Do you smoke weed: No
.158. ] Crack, heroin, anything else: No
.159. ] Beer good or beer bad: Ew
.160. ] Are you the sissy who drinks wine coolers: Sometimes
.161. ] Do you like smirnoff ice: Yes
.162. ] Prefer beer or liquor: Liquor
.163. ] What kind of cigarettes do you smoke: Cloves
.164. ] Are you a virgin: No
.165. ] If not, when was the last time you got some: June 23rd, 2008
Y E S OR N O «
.195. ] Are you a vegetarian: Yes
.196. ] Do you like cows: I guess
.197. ] Are you a bitch: Yes
.198. ] Are you artistic: Yes
.199. ] Do you write poetry: Yes
.200. ] Are you a fast runner: If there's cake
.201. ] Can you ski: No
.202. ] Are you British: No
.203. ] there is no question # 203
.204. ] Are you stupid, insane, and another physically handicapped: No
.205. ] Are you fat: Yeah haha
.206. ] Are you short: Average
.207. ] Are you tall: AVERAGE
.208. ] Do you own a hot pink shirt: Yes
.209. ] How about orange pants? No
.210. ] Are you evil: I can be
.211. ] Is Britney a whore: I guess
.212. ] Am I annoying you: Maybe
.213. ] Are you secretly from another planet: I wish
.214. ] Did you ever touch someone else's private parts: Yes

» W H A T D I D Y O U D O «
.215. ] Last birthday: Went to court, got some shit, had some cake.
.216. ] Yesterday: Went grocery shopping,Harry Potter marathon, got soaked in the rain.
.217. ] Last weekend: Did some shit with some people
.218. ] Christmas: Got presents, ate dinner with my family
.219. ] Thanksgiving: Went to DisneyWorld
.220. ] New year's: Went to a bar with my mom
.221. ] Halloween: Halloween Horror Nights @ Universal Studios
.222. ] Easter: Easter is stupid
.223. ] Valentine's day: Watched Across the Universe with Rob

» T H E L A S T . . «
.224. ] Thing you ate: Mac & cheese
.225. ] Thing you drank: Smirnoff ice
.226. ] Thing you wore: Pink and black plaid, flannel PJs and a grey/black/white camouflage tank top
.227. ] Place you went: Video store
.228. ] Thing you got pierced/tattooed: I got my right forearm tattooed
.229. ] Person you saw: Ryan & Amanda
.230. ] Person you kissed: Rob
231. ] Person you fucked: Rob
.233. ] Song you heard: Theme to The OC
.234. ] Person you hugged: Marisol
.235. ] Person you instant messaged: Dan
.236. ] Person you laughed with: Ryan

» N O W «
.237. ] What are you eating: Nothing
.238. ] What are you drinking: Smirnoff ice
.239. ] What are you wearing: Pink and plaid, flannel PJs and a grey/black/white camouflage tank top
.240. ] Any shoes on: No
.241. ] Hair: Curly and in a ponytail
.242. ] Listening to: The OC
.243. ] Talking to anyone: No
.244. ] Are you pissed I made this so long: Not really

» O P I N I O N S«
.245. ] What do you think...about pop music: Funny
.246. ] About boy bands: <3 haha
.247. ] About flag burning: I don't care
.248. ] Of the war on terrorists: Blow them all up, gas is too expensive
.249. ] About suicide: suicide: Selfish
.250. ] About abortion: + & -
.251. ] Where do you think you'll be in 10 years: In IL married with 2 kids
.252. ] Who do you think you'll still be friends with in 5 years: Amanda and Rachel

» F I N A L Q U E S T I O N S «
.253. ] I want: To move to IL
.254. ] I wish: My BF lived closer
.255. ] I love: Rob
.256. ] I miss: Rob
.257. ] I fear: The dark
.258. ] I hear: The OC
.259. ] I wonder: WHY THERE ARE NO JOBS IN FL
.260. ] How do you know its love?: You just...know
.261. ] If you could be any kids character, who would you be? : Belle
.262. ] If you had to eat one thing for the rest of your life, what would you eat: Leonardo's pizza
.263. ] Do you remember any of your dreams? : Rarely
.264. ] Do you dream in color or black and white: Color
.265. ] Do you admit when you need help with a problem: Sometimes
.266. ] Can people read you like a book: Depends who it is
.267. ] What's your biggest fear: Being alone
.268. ] Do you talk a lot: Sometimes
.269. ] Are you afraid of clowns: Yes
.270. ] Do you like spiders: Fuck that
.271. ] How about grape kool-aid: Yes
.272. ] Can you drive: Yes
.273. ] Are you spoiled: Yes
.274. ] Are you anti-social: Sometimes
.275. ] Do you see dumb people: ALL OF THE TIME
.276. ] Do you see dead people: No
.277. ] Any last words: I'm tired
.278. ] Now that this is over, what are you going to do: Watch The OC and nap

You know what sucks?
Finding that one perfect person and not being able to be with them for an entire 6 months.
1 month down.
5 months to go.
The past month has gone by entirely too slowly.
The next 5 are going to be torture.
I can't wait until January.
So many things are going to change and we're both going to be so much happier.
I can't wait:

*To kiss you again.
*To feel you wrap your arms around me.
*For neon body paint. ;]
*TO EAT LEONARDO'S.
*To stop being a vegetarian and eat my first bacon double cheeseburger with you.
*To sleep next to you.
*To get goodnight kisses.
*To hear toos, toos, toos while you tap my nose 3 times.
*To brush your hair before we go out.
*To listen to you sing in the car.
*For you to serenade me with your acoustic guitar.
*For you to braid my hair while I read Harry Potter to you before bed.
*To get soaked while dying your hair and rinsing it out in the shower @ 3AM.
*To go grocery shopping with you.
*To drink cheap wine with our take-out dinner.
*To eat chinese food with chopsticks and feed ducks @ the park.
*To smush you up against the wall and beat you up in my sleep.
*To be able to use my pink X-box controller.
*To go to Wal-Mart almost every single day ever.
*To blow bubbles with our badass bubble blower.
*To duel with foam swords and shields in the middle of Toys 'R Us.
*To go out to eat @ The Olive Garden for our anniversary.
*To wear dresses for you.
*To get that custard stuff from that one place.
*To get OWNED @ Trivial Pursuit by Madelynn.
*To go to shows with you and make fun of all the gay 13 year olds.
*To go see Harry Potter & The Half-Blood Prince @ the IMAX.
*To have tickle wars and hear you laugh like a little girl.
*To scratch your back in the morning.
*To sit next to you while you read the board.
*To play board/card games with you.
*To go in your parent's new hottub. ;]
*To take advantage of you. Haha
*To bake cakes with you and put poprocks on them.
*To use the Pizzzazzzzzz!
*To have those fucking awesome potato chips.
*To cook tuna/baked potatoes/corn on the grill for dinner.
*To drive around with you.
*To go to band practice with you.
*To eat veggie subs from JJ's.
*To go to Swinger's World with you.
*To be with you every day for the rest of my life. <3333333333333333333333333333

I just wanted to let you know that you're all I ever think about.
From the time I wake up in the morning, to the time I fall asleep at night.
Each and every day, thinking about being with you is what keeps me motivated.
And it's so hard to get through the days without having you here.

I miss falling asleep wrapped in your warmth and waking up with your arms still around me.
I miss your face being the first thing I saw every day and the last I saw every night.
I miss the way your hair felt when you used my conditioner.
I miss kissing you and painting dragons on your face.
I miss you coloring worksheets with my Pre-K class and coming with me to work.
I miss swimming with you and watching movies with you.
I miss smoking cigarettes and drinking with you.
I miss watching the sunset with you.
I miss every little thing about you.

And I would give anything to have it all back.

[I was born to tell you, "I love you."
Isn't that a song already?
I get a B in originality.
And its true, I can't go on without you.
Your smile makes me see clear
If you could only see in the mirror, what I see.

And your slowly shaking fingertips
Show that you're scared like me, so
Let's pretend we're alone.
And I know you may be scared
And I know we're unprepared
But I don’t care.]




This is the scariest time of year in Florida.
I'm petrified of lightening and thunder and there's a storm every day.
And you're never around to comfort me and it really hurts.

You want
I am everything you need
I am everything inside of you that you wish you could be
I say all the right things at exactly the right time
But I mean nothing to you and you don't know why.

1. "Speaking of cake...Mmm."
"Uh...no one ever said anything about cake, fatty."
2. "Ohmuhgahd, muh food iz goin everywhere!"
3. Bambi
4. Kissy/munching/hissing noises
5. Degrassi
6. Saves the day
7. Some weird, scary, deep noise that I don't even know how to go about spelling.
8. Pumpkinhead
9. Ducky
10. The Cure - "Love Song"
11. Day @ the Fair - "So Much For Nostalgia"
12. Across Five Aprils - "A Year From Now"

Wow...that's only 12 things and I already don't want to think about any more.

When you love someone, and suddenly you're not with them anymore, a part of your heart stays with them and you can never get it back.
This is always going to suck no matter how hard I try to kid myself into believing that everything is fine.

Because you were the first and only boy I've ever really loved...

I will ALWAYS love you. <3

And just as easily as the flames were ignited, they quickly dissipated.
It had been more than 2 years since they had officially started "going out." He was at the center of her world, which her every waking minute revolved around. He filled the space in her thoughts when her mind was between sleep and awareness. The smooth lines of his face were present even in her dreams. Simply put, he was her Everything.
But lately, it seemed as if there was a certain unfamiliarity to the person he was becoming, and she couldn't help but feeling a sense of insecurity in the way he said, "I love you."
It was those three words that meant everything to her; why she felt entirely bonded to him. Yet, all of a sudden, love seemed like more of a four-letter word than a word which linked "you" and "I".
She fidgeted uncomfortably in the passenger's seat of his car and clicked on her safety belt. As she settled herself, she felt an uneasy, nauseous wave rush over her entire body as she realized she no longer felt entirely safe just by being next to him. This was the first time she'd ever used her seat belt while she was with him.
She held so much hurt in her eyes that she was sure he would notice. Blinking away, she pressed her gaze to the glorious height of the pine trees that littered the highway's vast landscape. As they drove to the coast, seagulls flew, scattered about the airway. She looked up with sudden envy at the creatures who glided so smoothly, cutting through the wind with their feathered wings the way a knife cuts through butter. She was jealous because she sensed their freedom. She would have given anything to turn into a bird at that very moment and soar out her opened window; to be able to escape at her own will.
She felt trapped in her own skin; her voice screaming silently in the depths of her throat as if someone had severed her vocal cords, purposefully condemning her to an eternal silence. She suddenly turned and focused her gaze directly at him, shooting an arsenal of razor sharp daggers at him, using him as target practice. Noticing he shifted uncomfortably, she redirected her gaze back onto the road and realized almost immediately that they didn't have a chance in hell. The car was careening into the ocean and all she could do was catch her last breath as she realized he was rolling up the windows and locking the doors. She knew as soon as the car hit the water, the engine would stall and the windows and doors would encompass her in a watery tomb.
Upon impact, the car created an enormous splash, erupting waves which engulfed the small, 2-door sedan almost instantly. As the water started spilling in through the cracks in the framework, she wondered if this was really it; the end.
With the car filled to the brim, she opened her eyes, which instantly found his. Their eyes working as magnets in the water, they locked onto one another, drawing them closer together. They held onto each other with a static cling so strongly, she thought her ribs were cracking from his strength. They had never felt so close in their entire lives.
What they needed was a fresh start, a chance to go back and change things; fix them before they got so fucked up. They needed to be willing to forgive each other for all the wickedness they had caused and all the pain that followed in its wake. As they began to forgive the damages they'd caused each other, their heads nodded in both agreement and acceptance as they both opened their mouths to let the water fill up their lungs and baptize their hearts. With his last breath, he mouthed a simple "I love you," and for the first time in months, she actually believed him. She was crying; her tears mixing with the salt water as her world turned black and cloudy.